INTERVIEWS Require...TIME and DEADLINES!

The interview process has to be deliberate and well thought out with the understanding that there are "time limits" per applicant. The "deadline" is the do-not-cross, don't touch, fall on, pass over, or go under marked imaginary boundary line.

My wife opened up my understanding to what a single mother feels concerning time and deadlines! She told me there is an internal clock on the inside of every woman ticking telling her she is running out of time so hurry up and choose somebody. This clock tickets louder for every child she delivers and for every year she gets older. The choice goes from choosing somebody to choosing anybody! Jane Austen said, "A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to marriage, in a moment!" This internal, "hurry up and get married" clock pushes her into a desperate mindset causing her to look pass the man's obvious immaturity and addictions to being happy she has a man.

Please don't be impressed with resumes and check references! Be deliberate when interviewing and let your interview deadline be 1 to 2years. This interview process will slow the internal clock down in mothers and will over time mature men.

The INTERVIEW (The Engagement)

Did you know the word "interview" is a combination of two words "inter" and "view"? "Inter" means "to put in the earth or bury" and "view" means "to see"! So the word means to actually see what is buried inside our earth! One of the best known ways to move dirt is with a shovel! Questions are the shovel that exposes the kind of character you are engaging with.

Why are you afraid to ask the hard questions? Question like, "Could you tell me about yourself?" or "What is your greatest weakness?" What about this one, "How do you think someone who knows you well would describe you?"

When you applied for your last job didn't the company ask you personal questions like these? Were they afraid to ask you those hard question? They didn't even care if the questions made you uncomfortable did they! Why? If they hired you you would not just be filling a job but you would be coming a part of that companies FAMILY! If companies see the importance of interviewing a potential employee why don't we see the importance of interviewing a potential addition to our family?

The Woman You Envisioned Plus...?

Is society speaking loud trying to change the image of the single mother in the minds of single men? I have heard it loud, mostly in men, saying, "Never marry a woman who already has a child or children! It will never work!" Joseph's picture of women was different then the men of his time. No doubt he wanted a woman who loved God and who was a virgin. His picture wasn't to start a family with just anyone. Joseph certainly heard the stories of women having babies out of wedlock. He possibly heard the stories of women wanting to divorce their husbands for bad treatment. He heard the stories of men divorcing themselves from their wives for both legitimate and ridiculous reasons!
Joseph wasn't a stepfather and he wasn't a adoptive father! I would like to coin a new name for today's men going into marriage with a single mother! They are "covenant fathers". When a "Covenant Father" is in pursuit of a marriage partner, or in today's cases, stirring, he must remember to keep himself in the right frame of mind. He can't be captivated by the picture of the woman's beauty that he neglect's the weightier matters of the heart and character. He should not take advantage of her God-given need for intimacy. Joseph, as a covenant father's, pursuit was for more than a beauty and a virgin. He wanted someone with a reputation with God and a reputation with man.
Covenant father how do you picture the woman you're married to or you're considering marrying? You may have pictured her like your mom cooking and taking care of the family. Joseph never thought about falling in love with someone who had the addition of a child or children. It was not something in his plans but God had plans and asked Joseph would he change his plans and embrace his divine plans.
It is your choice single man! Like Joseph you will face additions you did not consider. Heaven is looking for men who are willing to alter their plans! If you wish to marry a woman who is already with child, there must be some changes. God may be asking you to protect and unconditionally love the woman and her child. The addition to Mary was a child to save all humanity forever! What good will this woman of God and her child bring to society and what part do you envision playing!

The Woman You Envisioned Plus...?

Do men picture the type of woman they want to marry? Many men don't because they are many times focused on the physical body of the woman instead of her character. You probably are wondering what type of woman I pictured in my mind to tie the knot with? First I wanted a woman who had a personal relationship with God! I also wanted a wife like my mother! I always pictured my mother being fun and the best cook in the whole wide world. Yes she was the best cook in the world and if there are any disputers out there saying anything about this claim you can call me at...sorry! Let's get back to the post!!! As I was saying my mom was fun and yet she lovingly disciplined us. She helped us with everything about school and life including sports. She was quite the athlete! She was a singer, writer, poet, worshipper, and a woman of prayer. I believe, sometimes, men consciously or unconsciously imagine there mate to be like there mother. What picture occupies your thoughts? Is it the portrait of your mom or the portrait of your wife-to-be?

The Woman You Envisioned Plus...?

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. Find a good spouse, you find a good life-and even more: the favor of God (Proverbs 18:22)! What is the mental picture of the woman that you are talking to, engaged to, or married to? Before Joseph even knew Mary he had a mental picture of the one he would marry possibly branded in him by his father's suggestions, his mother's model, societies thinking, the law of God, and/or his personal prayer time with God. It also could have been a combination of all of the above! Did I have a mental picture of the woman I wanted to marry inside my head? Yes I did! The words that created this image came from the mouth of my mother. Those words were, " Never marry a woman with children!" Why would she say those words to me when she married my father who had children from a previous marriage? Did she know what she was getting into when she decided to marry my father? Did she have a picture of the man she wanted to marry? Do you have a mental picture?

Who Were You Before You Met Them?

Are asking questions important for building healthy covenant family relationship? Yes it is important to ask questions and they can't just be shallow ones that most people would be willing to hear and answer! You know the questions like "What is your name?" Or "What do you like to eat?" Or "In what city were you born?" These questions do not give enough information about character to make an WISE DECISION! What is keeping you from spending time asking the hard questions to a man/ single mother that you feel you want to get to know better and even marry? Is it that you feel you are running out of time getting older and all your friends have gotten married but you? Is making the first impression  more important then making a lasting impression? Being honest in the shallow questions as well as the deep questions is all important as the relationship progresses. Here are some hard honest questions to ask:


1. What is the difference between a personal relationship with God and a church relationship with him?
2. When and how was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt?
3. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
ASK THE QUESTIONS!!!

Are You Ready For This Responsibility?

Are you ready for this? God gave the family to the father to love, nurture, and protect but when the father decides to run away from his responsibility, you get an increase in single parenthood. This also causes an increase in divorce tagging the family disgraced or disfavored by society and in some circles God himself. When there is no father in the home, the children learn to do and be by the example of one parent. This does not mean single parents can't raise children to be successful in life, but a child also needs the strength and security modeled by a father. While a mother is waiting (serving the family, writing the family's history, and preparing herself and the family) for a man to find her it is important for her to ask these questions and be prepared to answer the same questions:

1. Where are you coming from? (Example: Where do you pay bills and live NOW and where have you been paying bills and living for the last 5 years)  2. What kind of goals do you have for your own personal growth? (Example: Spiritually,  educationally, occupationally(a job), physically, and relationally.) 3. What can you do for us and not just ME?

 Do children need just any father and does the mother need just any husband? No! They need a man called by God who will add and not take away the unconditional love, nurturing, and protection God gave long before he got there! Are you ready for this responsibility?